It’s New Year’s Eve 2019: the threshold of a new year, a new decade and also just another tomorrow. As has been pointed out a lot on social media lately, time is very much a social construct and all this importance placed on one night-to-day transition is entirely arbitrary. Then again, it’s a collective arbitrary decision that is embraced around the world, so it would be little churlish not to get into the spirit.
Rev up your resolution engine
So, here I am again, setting up for a new year, this time a new decade and, has become a little too familiar now, setting myself up for some old habits. The new resolutions contain the old favourites:
average at least one book a month
blog a set amount
take up a new language
There are a couple of new things too - vegetarian January (I did a vegan lent the year before last and I can’t return to that crumbly culinary landscape) and joining a fitness class that I might be able to stick with for once.
None of this is revolutionary though. So why bother listing it all again?
To be led by the heart
I’m going with a lot of old favourites because the last few years, I haven’t been the most successful at them. Writing on here is non-existent. Reading is better but unless I can read 180 pages in the 90 minutes left before launching into the evening’s festivities, I won’t hit my 12-book target for 2019. Languages have been lost where they had only just begun.
You’d think repeated failure might put a girl off. The trouble is, these are things I really do want to do. I keep coming back to them. They creep into my mind looking for an excuse to be prioritised. And the last few years I’ve been a little too good at telling them they come second. And as a result, telling myself I come second.
Work and washing up and waiting have all wrought havoc with my wishes. And it might well all happen again once we’re in the roaring twenties. But I hope it doesn’t. And the reason it might be different is that, for me, 2020 will be led by the heart.
As opposed to…?
As opposed to all that overthinking that happens in the head, and all those compromises to make room for the things you think you should do. To be led by the heart is to trust yourself.
It is to read, think, study, slow down and discover how to express and articulate yourself again. To be more open to those you trust. To stop holding back and waiting, and be led by what you want.
Maybe that’s a bit fluffy. And maybe when the festive period ends and my job hunt moves up a level; and I have to pay the bills and do the cleaning, all this ‘heart’ business will get lost in the weeds. But that motto is there to remind me to trust my desires and put myself first.
And in doing so, hopefully I will unlock those parts I’ve been protecting from possible rainy days and let them bask in the sun.
Happy New Year everyone
Putting yourself first means being selfless. Because when you are yourself, when you are happy with what you are doing and at ease with your decisions, those around you are more at ease too. The pressure is off for others to make you happy because you’re doing it for yourself and the joy and love you experience with others becomes more spontaneous and stronger in its organic expression. To be led by the heart is to feel secure in the knowledge you can let go and you won’t lose anything in doing so. It is, at the very least, my recipe for a happy new year.